Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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