Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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