my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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