Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
