It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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