whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
