My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
