coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
