My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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