You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
