I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
