Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
