i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
