Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize