i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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