It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
