I wanna passion pit in your ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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