So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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