i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
