So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
