Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
