OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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