there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
