it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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