The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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