Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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