I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
