I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
