And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize