check it out our google latitudes are spooning
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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