You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
