Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
