Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
