he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
