I looked at my own cervix.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
