so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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