My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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