He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
