Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
