wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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