I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
