Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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