you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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