The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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