did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
