Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize