I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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