did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
