What did we do last night that was yellow?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
