I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
