Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
