I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
