My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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