Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
