You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize