Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
