Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
