never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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