I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Are we still banned from the library?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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