Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
