when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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