dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
