I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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