It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
