Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
