new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
