I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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