I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
