its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
