best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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