no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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