Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
