We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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