When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
