why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
