mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
