Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize